What I feel

How to put this.
Well, I wanna write down what I feel when it comes struck my mind, my heart.
What I really feel...

It's like when I wake up from a nightmare, I just stare on something blank
I keep memorizing the nightmares so I can confirm it.
It's real and it happened then why keep repeating it in my memories even in my unconscious?

This is what I feel when it comes to my mind, it's haunting me..
It's like when I look at myself in the mirror I saw a damaged human
Something not like human either... I dunno
I hate to see it, the reflection of myself

This is what I feel,
It's like as I'm walking across the crowd, I'm walking backwards
And every glance is killing me, deeply.
It's like their eyes looking down on me, on worthless me

This is what I feel,
As I see my own skin, I saw dirt that I can't wash away with any water
But I keep washing them, again and again with tears
Still it's there and always there

This is what I feel,
As I touched my heart
It gives no beat, like it has died so many times
Yet it still alive
And my world just getting smaller
Till I no longer belong here