Sunday, September 25, 2016

I used to be in a depression phase

It felt so suck, it is complicated like hell

But it's like drugs, addictive

When my life is out from that phase

Once in a while, I am craving for it

I wanna be in it again

Even though I know it destroys me

When in depression, I lack of emotions except sadness

I dun give a shit bout anything around me

Even my life is on danger that time, I still dun give a shit

I just let my own life slowly destroy and fall into pieces

I dun have any gut to put it all together

I let depression took over me

Have control over my life


I thought I already passed the phase

But somehow it happen again

Again and again

And when it happen

I push away everyone around me

And then, at certain point I become lonely

And then, I smiled

Coz, it's true, my expectation is true

People will never be there for you

and then I start to feel peace

at the same time its hurts like hell

Yes it hurts to the core

But it makes me feel alive

Then I have to find somethng else

as an escape

Since the depression also have it's due

I'm still conscious about that

So I must escape,

again.

Sunday, September 4, 2016


Di sini jarang aku melihat bangunan-bangunan tinggi mencakar langit.
Sebab itulah yang aku lihat hanya awan. Langit. Awan dan langit.
Terbentang. Terlihat tanpa halangan.

Sebab aku suka awan dan langit. Aku gilakan awan dan langit. Aku suka tenung awan dan langit. Biarkan diriku jauh dibuai keindahan warna dan tarinya jauh tinggi di angkasa.

Kenapa aku suka? Sebab bila aku dongak ke langit, aku terasa diri ini kecil dan kerdil. Pandangan aku terbatas pada apa yang dipapar, tapi mindaku menjangkau terlalu jauh melangkaui putih gebu si awan, rona merah kaki langit. Aku nampak dunia yang tidak terlihat. Misteri. Betapa kita hanya debu berbanding sana. Awan dan langit hanyalah tirai melindungi keindahan yang maha hebat menjangkaui penglihatan terbatas kita. Awan dan langit hanyalah jendela. Dan aku sering melihat lewat jendela itu. Menatap keindahan misteri yang malu menjengah dunia.

Dan bila aku rasa diriku besar, bila aku rasa diriku hebat, bila aku rasa diriku tinggi di atas, aku dongak ke langit. Aku mendongak untuk menunduk.
 

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