They said childhood was more like a dream of our life
Then mine was a nightmare...
But God, made me survived

Hate Me

If you gonna hate me
Hate me with all your heart
Hate me completely
Don't you do it half way

Hate me, stab me, kill me
Put this fire into your own heart
Burning it still for your hatred
Spit them out right to my face

Slaughter my heart alive
Drink them blood
Wash your hand red
Torture me make me suffer

Hate me all you can
Hate me till I can see
Hate me obviously
Hate me and show me
Hate me with all your heart
You can do better than this
Keep this hatred till you die
Keep them growing
If you can't hate me completely
Stop acting like you are
Coz I can still see your warm heart
Shut it off for me.

Boring

Don't you tired?
I am tired
Why your world is just a box
Mine was a box
But I open it up and spread it over
Don't you know it can be open up?

Why you're trying so hard
To win my heart
While all you use just your lips
Not even close to it
You know what
I can smell your old rotten trick
From a distance it's so strong
Why can't you be more than that
You know I'm so bored of it
You're not even trying
What do you expect of me
Most of you are all the same
I can predict what's coming
I can guess the root
So just stop what you're doing
If you stick to the same way.

My Dream

Assalamualaikum

Tak tahu nk tulis apa tapi nk luahkan isi hati n benda yg aku teringin nk buat

Bulan ramadhan ni, aku teringin nak terawikh sama2 ngn semua kawan2 aku kat sini. Semua.

Ok, bai.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

Final Assessment Sem 2!!!!

Assalamualaikum

Aku ada masa berapa jam je nk siapkan projek final aku utk sem ni. 25 ni ada final assessment!! dan ni first time aku bergelar fine art student, I don't have much experiences. Dulu waktu2 mcm ni aku gigih menaip thesis untuk projek bio marin aku or aku gigih ke lab mencuba nasib mengambil seberapa banyak data dan seberapa banyak gambar microscopic utk back up data. Sekarang, dari semalam aku kat studio menggunting kepingan2 kertas acetate and menebuk lubang satu2 dengan gigihnya. Aku stop kejap n tulis blog ni sebab tangan aku kebas n sakittttt. Sakit woi tebuk kertas tu dah la keras, penebuk lubang plak manual habis. Kesian, amatur katakan.

Dah tu aku kena wat cepat sebab my agar can't wait much longer nanti contaminate. Tu pun da ada yg contaminate pun. Meanwhile dua reports aku n satu presentation slide aku x sentuh pun lagi n semua nk hantar minggu ni and aku dok tulis blog ni????!!!!

Aku giler. Hahahahaha. It's ok, I appreciate this moment, moment as student yg busy. Saya suka busy instead of doing nothing but sometimes I appreciate the free time so I can always ponder myself upon my pasts n mistakes. waaaaaaaaa oke nk kena sambung menebuk lubang ni. Pastu, nk streak bacteria which I'm scared the most. Takut dia tumbuh not as I expected. Gulp. Ya Allah permudahkan semuanya. 

Budak sains bajet2 budak art mcm ni lah jadinya. Hahahaha tapi I'm happy sebab one of my life goal sebelum ni tercapai which aku nk cabar diri aku buat sth yg x pernah buat, nk try rasa jadi student seni. Nah, kan betul2 terjadi. sekarang harunglah nak...hahahaha.

Sometimes I love science lab jugak but I love art more. So, aku guna je dua2 so xde nk kehilangan dua2, dua2 ada disisi. science and art. Muah. LOL giler.

Memori

Tiada yang kekal abadi di dunia

Semua akan hilang 

Kita hanya mencipta memori

Isinya lenyap kosong jua

Kerana itu kita menghargai saat bersama

Teman dan sahabat

Untuk apa melakar memori duka

Kerna akhirnya kita tetap akan terpisah

Biarlah memori indah menjadi peneman

Tika kita semua sudah berjauhan

What I feel

How to put this.
Well, I wanna write down what I feel when it comes struck my mind, my heart.
What I really feel...

It's like when I wake up from a nightmare, I just stare on something blank
I keep memorizing the nightmares so I can confirm it.
It's real and it happened then why keep repeating it in my memories even in my unconscious?

This is what I feel when it comes to my mind, it's haunting me..
It's like when I look at myself in the mirror I saw a damaged human
Something not like human either... I dunno
I hate to see it, the reflection of myself

This is what I feel,
It's like as I'm walking across the crowd, I'm walking backwards
And every glance is killing me, deeply.
It's like their eyes looking down on me, on worthless me

This is what I feel,
As I see my own skin, I saw dirt that I can't wash away with any water
But I keep washing them, again and again with tears
Still it's there and always there

This is what I feel,
As I touched my heart
It gives no beat, like it has died so many times
Yet it still alive
And my world just getting smaller
Till I no longer belong here

Run

For all these time I thought I already moved on.

But I was wrong

I realized that all these time I was running away, not move on.

Coz, every time I got something that remind me of it, I broke down.

I totally broke down, again and again and this cycle might repeat it's system.

In Memory

R.I.P 

In Memory (2000-2002)

Self hatred

Kadang-kadang aku tak faham
Kenapa aku terlalu bencikan diri sendiri
Dari dulu,aku mencari peluang
Peluang untuk menyakiti diri sendiri

Aku seolah-olah berlari kearah kematian
Aku seolah-olah mencari peluang itu
Tapi kuasa Tuhan itu lebih besar
Kenapa aku perlu lupa itu
Aku ini manusia alpa
Aku tidak punya hak
Tidak punya hak untuk mengakhiri kisah hidupku
Biarpun hidup itu selamanya pahit
Hanya Tuhan yang akan tentukan
Bila ianya tamat.

Somewhere in my heart

You..
You will always got a place in my heart
and you always do, for now and forever
You always got that special place in my heart
Even I know that there must be someone else will fill in my heart too
But you always there, never go.
In your own special way.

Just Go

I can't stand people keep disappearing on me
I don't need ur sweet words I just need actions
I dun like u're being so unsure bout whatever I ask you
Just answer it YES or NO!!!
When I ask, please answer it YES or NO!!!

I hate this kind of relationship
Looks like ur charming face give no function at all
You made this so boring
Yes it's you
So could u please go away now
It's not worth my time
It's wasting ur time too

Why do I hate myself

I dunno why I'm always feel like I never belong here

I'm so out of place

I dunno how to react to love

There is blocking in my heart

Yes I am a coward

But I feel enough pain

That makes me numb to more pain

What else can I do except waiting

Waiting for my time to come

In meanwhile, I'm just observing 

Staring

Standing

Blinking

I'm a hollow ghost

Throwback

Jumpa poem yg aku tulis ni 

Just repost it here

I never waiting for you
I never plan to like you
And I'm standing still
Never put hopes on love

If you want to take me away
I need no rose
Need no diamond
Just down on your knees
Kiss the vengeance on my hand
Feel the scent of sorrow
Tear my chest apart
Grab my hollow soul
Is it fit in your heart?
If you're bleeding
Then just go away
and stop trying

LIFE

Life is not just about work, there is more about it.

Someone said that, from the character in 'A Beautiful Mind' movie. Well, I have no friend said that to me..forever alone. =_=

But, it's work that making my life goes on with the grace of God. Coz only thru works, I can make myself busy and forget myself. And when I forget, I continue my life unconsciously. So, work is life. If not, I will just keep on staring at the air and just waiting for nothing but death.

Movies Movies movies

Malas aku nk tulis reviews pasal movies yg aku suka
Aku list down je, sebab aku ada keje tapi aku xnk wat keje
So, aku wat keje lain...iaitu mengcompile movies yg aku pernah tengok.

:D,"I love movies, if I don't love it, I won't feel it" (ayat bajet2 Anton Ego dari movie Ratatouille tu, dia food critique, ayat asal dia camni..."I love food, if I don't love it, I won't swallow it")..kakakak apa aku merepek ni.

Btw, ni semua movies yg aku pernah tengok. Ada yg aku suka ak asyik ulang je, ada yg just so-so je, ada yg bolehla tapi semua yg ak letak sini bagi aku, best. Yang takde kt bawah ni x best la bagi aku, tapi best bagi org lain. Perasan x xde cter Iron man, pacific rim, twilight, the avengers, spiderman bagai....dah movies sebegitu x best bagi aku. Ini just for fun. Lagi satu, aku x suka cter cinta or romantik ke sebab aku x reti nak digest apa yg dia cuba sampaikan, pastu aku x faham apakah perasaan itu..kahkah. Bila kawan aku nangis2 part scene sedih dalam movie cinta..aku plak, krik krik krik...aku cuba utk tengok cter cinta tapi sorry I can't fit in. Hahaha so do I care, there're lots of other movie genres yg awesome!! so here they are..:D :D :D

Huuuu
Well gmbr yg lebih besar tu means movie tu paling best bagi aku diikuti saiz seterusnya..wahaha sesuka hati jek

ada banyak lagi movies yg ak x tengok n teringin nk tengok tapi x sempat lagi mcm Interstellar, Ouija...
Ops lupa nak letak Big Hero 6!! Yg tu pun best..oke sebab terlupa special sket la letak big hero 6 je sengsorang

comel kan baymax? >_<

well aku dah tengok cter Gone Girl, psychopath character. Cter tu best sebab twisted plot n xleh nk expect ending dia. Tapi just it quite disturbing for me.  Mungkin aku x kan tengok kali kedua dah kot. Hahaha

Meh

It's hard to be a sensitive person.
Meh